If This Character Sat Across From Me
Dear Stressed-Out Woman,
I know you probably picked up your book because you wanted to get out of your own head for a little while.
Same.
I love getting lost in a good story, but somewhere along the way my therapist brain usually sneaks in too. I start noticing the perfectionism, the people-pleasing, the family roles, the relationship patterns, the grief, the burnout, and all the little ways a character is trying to hold herself together.
So this blog is where my love of books and my therapist brain meet.
I’ll tell you what I actually thought about what I’m reading, what made me laugh, what annoyed me, who I was rooting for, and the moments that made me want to yell at fictional people who absolutely cannot hear me.
Then I’ll ask the question I almost always end up asking anyway:
What if this character were sitting across from me?
What would I want to understand before giving advice? What might she believe about herself underneath the way she’s coping? If she were my client, what might we work on together?
And because fiction has a funny way of showing us pieces of ourselves, I’ll leave you with a few questions to think about too.
This is not me diagnosing fictional characters or turning your fun romance novel into homework. Promise.
It is just a place to talk about the very human things that keep showing up in the stories we love: anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, people-pleasing, relationships, grief, boundaries, family expectations, self-worth, and what happens when you have been the strong one for a little too long.
So come for the books. Stay for the therapist thoughts. And maybe, every once in a while, recognize a little bit of yourself in the character too.
From one recovering perfectionist to another,
Hayley
What Burnout Summer Gets Right About Burnout, Identity, and Wanting Something Different
Burnout doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like functioning. My therapist brain had a lot to say while reading Burnout Summer by Jenna Ramirez, especially about achievement, identity, expectations, and what happens when the life you worked hard to build no longer feels like you.
A therapist’s take on Burnout Summer by Jenna Ramirez
Spoiler-light: I’m talking about the emotional themes in Burnout Summer, but I’m not giving away the moments that shape Camille’s summer.
Burnout Summer by Jenna Ramirez felt like a love letter to every high-achieving woman who has quietly wondered, Wait… is this it? Camille’s life looks successful on paper, but internally she’s exhausted, disconnected, and running on fumes. That setup hooked me immediately because it captured something I think a lot of women experience but don’t always have language for:
Burnout doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like functioning.
It can look like showing up, getting things done, and continuing to do what you’re “supposed” to do while slowly feeling less and less like yourself. I really enjoyed the atmosphere of this book. The seaside setting, slower pace, restaurant life, and feeling of stepping outside your normal environment gave it that classic summer-reset energy. Danny was such a refreshing love interest, too. He didn’t swoop in and fix Camille’s life. He felt more like a reminder that life could be softer and that she was allowed to question whether the life she built was actually the one she wanted.
Underneath the romance, this felt like a story about identity, expectations, and burnout recovery. Camille wasn’t only choosing between two men or two places. She was choosing between obligation and authenticity. Between performing competence and allowing herself to want something different.
I also appreciated that the book didn’t frame rest as laziness or pretend burnout could be solved with one beach summer and a cute guy. There was more nuance than that. My only critique was that I wanted a little more emotional depth in a few of the conversations. The themes were strong enough that I would have loved to sit with some of those moments longer.
Once my therapist brain showed up, though, I kept coming back to this:
Burnout recovery isn’t always about blowing up your life. Sometimes it begins with asking whether the life you built still fits you.
If Camille Were Sitting Across From Me
I wouldn’t begin by telling Camille that she needed to rest more, take a vacation, or improve her work-life balance.
She already knew she was exhausted. That was the obvious part.
I’d want to know when achievement stopped feeling like something she wanted and started feeling like something she had to keep doing. What expectations was she still trying to meet? Who did she believe she would disappoint if she changed direction? Had being capable become such a large part of her identity that she no longer knew who she was without the achievement?
I might listen for beliefs that sound something like:
“I worked too hard to change my mind now.”
“If I slow down, everything might fall apart.”
“Other people are counting on me, so what I want has to come second.”
“I should be grateful. I don’t have a good enough reason to feel this unhappy.”
“If I choose something easier, it means I couldn’t handle the life I had.”
“I don’t know who I am if I’m not successful at this.”
These aren’t direct quotes from Camille. They’re the kinds of beliefs I found myself wondering about while reading.
If Camille Were My Client
We might talk about the difference between being good at something and actually wanting the life that comes with it.
I would want to understand when achievement stopped feeling meaningful and started feeling like an obligation she wasn’t allowed to question. I’d also want to know how much of her life was built around what she actually wanted and how much was built around who she thought everyone needed her to be.
The goal wouldn’t be to convince Camille to quit her job, move to the coast, or make one huge life-changing decision. It would be to help her slow down enough to hear herself again.
That could mean noticing what drains her, what brings her back to life, and where she keeps saying, “I have to,” without stopping to ask whether that is still true. It might also mean learning that guilt can show up when you disappoint expectations, even when you’re finally making a healthier choice for yourself.
You can be grateful for the life you built and still admit that it no longer fits.
A Question for You
Have you ever looked around at a life that appeared successful and wondered why you still felt so tired or disconnected?
Are you staying because the life still feels right, or because changing your mind would feel like failure?
And maybe the harder question:
If nobody expected anything from you, what would you actually want?
Burnout recovery doesn’t always require a dramatic exit or a completely new life. Sometimes it starts with telling the truth about what isn’t working anymore.
It can look like resting before you’ve earned it, questioning an expectation you’ve carried for years, or making one small choice that feels more like you.
If this brought up something familiar about burnout, perfectionism, overworking, or feeling disconnected from the life you worked so hard to build, it might be worth asking what makes changing direction feel so hard.
Therapy can be a place to sort through what you actually want, what you’ve been carrying because you think you should, and what may need to change so your life feels more like yours again.
I offer virtual therapy for women in Oklahoma and Texas.