A therapist’s take on When in Rome by Sarah Adams
Spoiler-light: I’m talking about the emotional themes and relationships, but I’m not giving away the bigger moments.
I adore Audrey Hepburn, so the second I realized Amelia Rose uses Audrey movies to help guide her life decisions, I was in.
Honestly, as a huge Audrey fan myself, I’m not sure how that plan could possibly go wrong.
I also love a good grumpy-sunshine romance, and Noah Walker absolutely understood the assignment. Add in a small town, his sisters, found family, and characters who start becoming people Amelia can actually lean on, and this one was such a fun read.
But underneath the romance, my therapist brain kept noticing something else.
Amelia has built a life that looks incredible from the outside. She’s successful. People know her. She has a career other people would probably love to have.
And she is completely burned out.
What stood out to me was that her burnout was not only about working too much.
Sometimes burnout comes from spending too long being who everyone else needs you to be.
Amelia has spent years living as Rae Rose, the version of herself that other people expect, manage, market, and depend on.
At some point, it becomes hard to tell where Rae Rose ends and Amelia begins.
And that feels very familiar to me as a therapist.
You do not have to be famous to wake up one day and wonder how much of your life was actually chosen by you.
If Amelia Were Sitting Across From Me
I would not start by telling Amelia to quit music, fire everyone around her, or disappear into a small town forever.
Tempting as the Hallmark-movie version of therapy may be.
I would want to understand when her life stopped feeling like hers.
When did she start believing that other people knew what was best for her better than she did?
What happens inside her when someone is disappointed with her?
Does she immediately question herself, backtrack, or feel responsible for making them comfortable again?
I would probably listen for beliefs that sound something like:
“Other people know better than I do.”
“If I disappoint them, I could lose everything.”
“I should be grateful, so I don’t really have the right to complain.”
“If I slow down, everything I’ve built might disappear.”
“People want Rae Rose. I’m not sure they would want Amelia.”
“If I trust myself and I’m wrong, then it’s my fault.”
These are not direct quotes from Amelia. They’re the kinds of beliefs I found myself wondering about while reading.
Control can get especially confusing when it is packaged as care.
When someone says they are making decisions “for you,” protecting you, helping you, or simply knowing what you need, it can take a long time before you realize you have stopped trusting yourself.
If Amelia Were My Client
I think we would spend time separating Amelia from Rae Rose.
Not because Rae is fake. She is still part of Amelia.
But I would want to know which parts of her life she actually chose and which parts she learned to perform.
We would probably talk about what happens when other people do not like her boundaries.
Does their disappointment automatically mean she made the wrong choice?
Does guilt send her right back into over-explaining or trying to fix how someone feels?
And we would make room for the attachment wounds underneath some of that.
Noah does not fix Amelia. I actually like that about their relationship.
He gives her space to be seen as a person rather than a product.
That difference matters.
The goal would be for Amelia to trust her own wants more, communicate boundaries, and build relationships where she does not have to perform in order to belong.
Forgiving someone does not mean handing them the same access to you that they had before.
You can understand why someone behaved the way they did and still decide that the relationship needs to look different now.
A Question for You
How much of your life feels chosen by you, and how much of it feels like what you are supposed to want?
When someone is disappointed with your decision, do you immediately start questioning yourself?
And maybe the harder question:
Who are you when nobody needs you to perform?
Sometimes the work is not becoming a completely new person.
Sometimes it is figuring out which parts of you have been there all along underneath everyone else’s expectations.
Therapy can be a place to sort through what you actually want, what you have been carrying because other people expect it from you, and what may need to change so your life feels more like yours again.
I offer virtual therapy for women in Oklahoma and Texas.
